Being a Responsible Husband, and Father

I just finished painting Atlee's room pink. It is official we are having a girl in June. Not that I didn't know before, it just set in a little more as I painted. As I was working on painting I was trying to think what it was going to be like when Atlee comes and I am a father of two. All the things that came to my mind where things that God has been working on in me. Things that I was convected of then and obviously still are things that I need to be continuing to work on.

As I think of what a husband and a father should be. We are always first to think of what is read in most of us who are married weddings. Ephesians 5:22-33.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.


There are a lot of men that read this and even pastors who preach from the pulpit that the husband is the head of the family and that the wives need to listen and submit to what the husband decides to say or do. In the mean time missing the key to what Paul is trying to get across. That Husbands should love their wives just as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself up for her. Mark Driscoll put it in perfect convicting words in his Sermon Men and Marriage which I believe that all Husbands should listen to http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/men-and-marriage.

"Here’s the bottom line, guys. Your wife is your garden. And if you don’t like the way the garden looks, you’re the gardener. You can’t just stand back and yell at her, or give demands to her, or pass judgments regarding her. You need to love her like Christ loved the church. You need to take responsibility like Jesus took responsibility. You need to pursue her. You need to invest in her. You need to care for her. You need to cherish her and nourish her with the grace that God gives you."

 This does not mean work 40 plus hours and take out the trash and mow the yard. This means being imitators of Christ. This would have been in the minds of the church in Ephesus. The beginning of Ephesians Chapter 5 Paul writes about being imitators of God. When I think about imitators of God the first thing that comes to mind is the Sunday School answer Jesus. He Imitated God to the fullest. He was God in the Flesh. So how are we to be husbands like Christ was to the Church? Like this....

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2 and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
3 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; 4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them; 8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light 9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), 10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. 13 But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. 14 For this reason it says, "Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you."
15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil. 17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,  singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; 20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; 21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

If you read this as a man and as a husband and you did not feel convected you are lying to yourself. We all sin, I read this and every thing that is listed in here I can think of some way that I am being greedy, immoral, and impure. We get caught so easily in Satan's lie that it is OK, we rarely do these things, or that they are not hurting me or anyone else so it is ok. I can give it up whenever I need to. Being apart of the "Sons of disobedience" is something we find ourselves in over and over. We try to fit in with others around us. I catch myself doing this around people at work, and other places. We try to fit it, and every time I feel like crap because I know i maybe should not have said something or even walked away, because the conversation would not be pleasing to the Lord. Trying to do what is pleasing to the Lord is hard in the world that we live in. That is why Paul writes "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, 16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil."

The biggest thing that has hindered me in the marriage and in my life has been the things that I did in the secret. The sins that I did and let no one see. Doing one thing and pretending to be someone else for most of my life. In the end it got me now where. It was not until everything was exposed to the light and I continued to let the light shine in all areas of my life that I started to feel alive, started to feel real, to real genuine. It is when we let Christ Shine on us that we can reflect Christ Love and truly be Christ-like. I am convinced that when we hide things in the dark that it hinders us not only Spiritually, but in our marriages, family, friendships and even our jobs. I was frustrated for years at work wanting a promotion, to see me for what I am capable of. Looking back I can see that even though all my sin I hide in the dark, that it was reflected to others. I was filthy, dirty. I did not reflect Christ and was not living to the fullest that Christ intended me to. It was not until I let everything into the light that I started to be seen as Christ fully created me to be. Needless to say after 9 months of continuing to let Christ light shine on every area of my life that I received the promotion that I was wanting and working towards.

One thing that I mentioned earlier that I felt convected of, and one of those was greed. Not a greed of money, but more of a greed of my time, a greed for what I think I am in tiled to. As men most of us get to be this way. If we look at the world around us we can see why. We feel that as men since we work and do the "hard work" around the house that we are in tiled to our hobbies, our time, and that we can do whatever we want and that our wives should be ok with it because we deserve it. The media has been and continues to cram this lie in our heads everyday. Look at truck commercials, the message is a lot of them are you need a truck so that you can go fishing, camping, go up on a mountain, and hang out with the guys. How many shows, and movies show men going out for poker night with the guys one night, then a few nights later going out to the game. Ultimately leaving the wife at home by herself to not only put the kids to bed, but to sit at home by herself lonely. I am not saying that hobbies and time with the guys are bad. it is that they come before our families far too often. It is taking responsibility and if you have time to do the other things with the guys or your hobbies then that is great. Mark Driscoll says in the same sermon, "I need you men to hear that, because there are guys right now who drive trucks, shoot guns, and beat women. That’s not a man. There are other men who drive hybrids. God bless you. We’ll pray for you. These men don’t shoot guns, but they love their wives, and they love their children, and they take responsibility, and as a result, people under their leadership are blessed, flourish, and see Jesus Christ in them. Those are men."

When talking about Responsibility Mark Driscoll mentions in his sermon Men and Marriage four responsibilities that us as husbands as heads our are family should have and the priority should be in this order as well. When these responsibilities are not kept in order we are not being responsible as husbands.


1.   Number one, your first responsibility is Christian: repent of sin; trust in Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection; read your Bible; grow in grace; pray; be involved with God’s people in the church. Christian. First things first, your covenant relationship with God.

2. Your second responsibility is to your spouse

3. Parent. If God should bless you with children, loving them, serving them, raising them, investing in them, and growing them

4.  Your fourth responsibility is worker. This can be your work outside of the home, vocationally. You go to work and pay your bills.

This is not to condemn or judge anyone this is what I have been converted of and working on in my life right now. This is to help all us men succeed not only as followers of Christ, but that we would be successful in our marriages and are the head or our families. That the end result would be not only strong men of God that reflect His love, but that our families would reflect Christ and His Church. The impact that we hope to make in the world as a Church needs to start at our families. Most people that we come into contact with do not see the pure love and how real and amazing our God is, because most of them don't go to Church, but what they do see is us. They see us, our wives, our children, and the image that we project outside of the walls of Church is what they perceive the Church to be. What we really need to be is imitators of God to others. To reflect Christ to our family and to others around us every moment of everyday.

What Easter Means to Me

As it is the weekend and my sleep schedule ss always way out of whack. As I laid in bed this Easter morning, many thought have been running through my mind. Thoughts of thanksgiving and praise because of what my God and Savior has done for me. My wife and I as we laid in bed last night talked about what it would be like to marry your first and only girlfriend (which was not the case for the both of us). We talked about how my past and past relationships wouldn't be there. There would not be the hurt and the pain that I have caused. We soon realized, that even though our past struggles, and sin have caused pain, and have not made live easy, they have shaped up into who we are today.

Our experiences have enabled us to be exactly who God wants us to be. We are not perfect, and the life that I have lived has been far from perfect, but in God's eyes I am perfect for who and what He wants me and my family to be to Him and to others. My wife and I would have never thought that what we have gone though in our almost 5 years of marriage would be used by God to help encourage and minister to other married couples today. It is only by the grace of God and His shed blood that Stephanie and I are still together today. It is only by His saving grace and forgiveness that God shaped our past pains, broken trust, and unfaithfulness into an effective tool that God has effectively used, and is still using. There is not a day that has gone by that I have not thanked God fpr His love and forgiveness. With out His love, and grace I would have lost my beautiful wife, and then my son Jadon, and seen to be Daughter Atlee would not be in mine and my wives life. We have not just experienced God's grace and forgiveness, but we live it every moment of every day.

My wife and I started a small group at our church we are apart of, Desperation Church in Liberty Missouri. We did not know exactly what God wanted us to do or what to study/teach. We just knew that God wanted us to start one. It was small and was good for the first year. We slowly started a good retuin, and finding what worked and what did not work. We then moved locations of the group and started to slowly grow. The slow growth in numbers, went to rapid growth. This growth of the group had nothing to do with us. We are the leaders of the group, but we have only let God lead the group and make the calls. We started to grow and receive more direction from God. We grew and had to break into two groups, which we never would have thought would happen 2 years ago. The group was healthy and flourishing. We were all pouring into each others lives every week. We have grown to be transparent and authentic. This last year Stephanie and I were feeling a call to minister to other married couples who have, and are having the same struggles that we have had, and are continuing to work through.

We did not know what to do. We did not know what this was going to look like, or what we would do about the group that we lead now. It was not until almost a year now that I completely let go of the sinful life that I was living, and truly started to let God run my life. We did not know how we would start a group or if it would even be a small group that would be focused on restoring marriages that have been broken and hurt by lies, broken trust, and unfaithfulness. All we wanted to do is help others see that the Grace of God and His amazing love can transformed the most broken and hurting marriage into something beautiful. We started and continued to pray through this, and God being the amazing God that He is worked in the way that He has been through out our lives. It just happened. As our group became more transparent, we all opened up that all of our marriages were struggling. Struggling with past hurts and pains, with the state of the relationship, with trust, forgiveness, Struggling with the ability to grow and not to be a stagnate relationship, but one that is growing. God was not preparing us for another ministry, He was preparing us for where our current ministry was going.

All the marriages in our group have struggled with different things. Not one of our marriages are a like, but Marriage is our focus, and our goal is to restore what has been damaged and left unattended. To allow God to take our marriages and line them up with His will, and not ours. For our marriages in our group and be the strong rock on which our families are to be built on. To be focused on glorify God with our marriages and our families. That our marriages would reflect and bring glory to what Jesus has done and is continuing to do. In our first sermon that we listened to about marriage in our small group. Mark Driscoll said, "The difference between a testimony and a biography is this: a biography is about me, and a testimony is about Jesus. A biography is about, “Here’s the changes I made in my life, and now I’m happy.” A testimony is, “Here’s the sin I’ve repented of, and now I’m more like Jesus, whether or not I’m happier.” A biography is about what we do. A testimony is about what Jesus does. In a biography, we’re the hero. In a testimony, Jesus is the hero."  This is what I am thankful for when I think about Christ death and resurrection. That it is not just about God has done through His Son's sacrifice, but what He is doing and continuing to do. That our lives have turned, and that our lives and our story is His story. That our lives don't point to us but to Christ. It is not just the love that He poured out over 2,000 years ago on the cross that gives us life, it is that He continues to pour out His love on us. Not that He was risen from the grave then and is alive, but that He continues to live and work in all our lives today.

As we celebrate today and this weekend Christ death and resurrection. Let us not just celebrate His 33 years here on earth 2,000 years ago, but what He has done before the His Birth, and all that He has done and continues to do. This is what Easter means to me. This is how Christ Death and Resurrection impacts me today. I Challenge you to look at your life this Easter Sunday, and not to just be Thankful for His death and resurrection, and that He lives, but to be Thankful for what He has personally done for you, and is continuing to do. To look at the fruit that Christ is bearing in and through all of us.

This Chapter means a lot to me. It is a prayer that I can now say by God's grace and tranformation, and it lines up to where I am today.

Psalms 26

1 Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity,

And I have trusted in the LORD without wavering.

2 Examine me, O LORD, and try me;

Test my mind and my heart.

3 For Your lovingkindness is before my eyes,

And I have walked in Your truth.

4 I do not sit with deceitful men,

Nor will I go with pretenders.

5 I hate the assembly of evildoers,

And I will not sit with the wicked.

6 I shall wash my hands in innocence,

And I will go about Your altar, O LORD,

7 That I may proclaim with the voice of thanksgiving
And declare all Your wonders.
8 O LORD, I love the habitation of Your house

And the place where Your glory dwells.

9 Do not take my soul away along with sinners,

Nor my life with men of bloodshed,

10 In whose hands is a wicked scheme,

And whose right hand is full of bribes.

11 But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;

Redeem me, and be gracious to me.

12 My foot stands on a level place;

In the congregations I shall bless the LORD.